Time for yourself: small steps for tired parents

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When did you last drink your coffee while it was still hot? Or have a shower without listening out for crying over the sound of the water? If you can’t remember – this article is for you. ☕

The first months and years with a child bring sleepless nights, being needed all the time, and that kind of tiredness that isn’t just physical but lives in your head too. Lots of parents feel guilty even thinking about a break. But time for yourself isn’t a luxury and it isn’t selfish. It’s the fuel that lets you keep going at all.

The short answer: Don’t wait for a big break: look for 5 to 30 minutes a day, like a walk alone, a shower or a call to a friend. Cut your to-do list, accept help when it’s offered and swap “must” for “enough”. Small breaks give your child a calmer, more patient parent.

Why looking after yourself matters too

The American Psychological Association (APA) describes so-called parental burnout – a state of deep exhaustion in which parents feel emotionally empty and often isolated. It doesn’t happen because someone doesn’t love their child, but because for a long time they’ve been giving more than they get back.

Little breaks don’t take anything away from your child. They give your child a calmer, more patient parent.

How to find time when you have no time

The reality is that a free week at the seaside isn’t on the horizon. That’s why psychologists suggest not waiting for the big break, but looking for small pauses every day. Here are ideas for 5 to 30 minutes:

• a few deep breaths by an open window;
• a walk to the shop on your own – yes, that counts;
• a favourite song on your headphones;
• a shower while your partner or a grandparent is with your child;
• 15 minutes with a book or a nap while the baby sleeps (instead of the washing-up);
• a call to a friend who makes you laugh.

How to lighten your day

Sometimes the best self-care isn’t adding something – it’s taking something away.

• Shorten the list. Pick one or two jobs that can wait. The dust isn’t going anywhere. 😉
• Accept help. When someone asks “How can I help?”, have an answer ready: a pot of soup, the shopping, an hour with the kids.
• Swap “must” for “enough”. Psychologists link perfectionism with a higher risk of burnout. “Today everyone was fed and loved” absolutely counts as a successful day.
• Talk to other parents. Shared tiredness weighs less. And it often comes with lots of laughter.

And dad?

He gets tired too, and he needs his own time too. The nice thing is that when you have each other’s backs in shifts, you both get a break, and your child gets one-to-one time with the other parent. And nobody is “on child duty” all day long.

When is tiredness more than tiredness?

If the exhaustion is stopping you from coping with everyday life, or if you’ve felt empty or sad for a long time, the APA advises seeking professional help. A good first step is your GP, who can point you in the right direction. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, call 112 straight away. Asking for help is strength, not weakness.

📖 Read next: Your relationship after baby: how to stay a team · Going back to work after maternity leave: practical steps

In short

You don’t have to wait for a holiday to feel human again. Five minutes here, ten there – and little by little your energy comes back. You’re not only mum or dad, you’re also you. And even on the days when you’re running on your reserve battery, you still find a way to keep going. You’ll keep going now, too. 💛

Sources: American Psychological Association – Parental burnout: how parents can manage stress; American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org) – Is it OK to need a break from my kids?; Raising Children Network – Parent stress: signs and coping strategies.