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There’s no certificate, no exam, no diploma. And yet there comes a moment when it suddenly hits you: you’re a parent now. A real one. Complete with the stains on your shoulder. 😄
Here’s a quiz with no scores and no wrong answers. Just count how many times you nod.
You know you’re a parent when…
- …a good poo makes you happier than payday.
- …you find yourself rocking the shopping trolley, even though it only contains tomatoes and a loaf of bread.
- …you’ve pulled up outside your home and sat in the car for 20 minutes so as not to wake the baby.
- …you know every word of every song from that kids’ cartoon, but can’t remember what you had for dinner yesterday.
- …you catch yourself humming the tooth-brushing song in a work meeting.
- …you wear the sick stain on your shoulder with the pride of an Olympic medal.
- …a “break” means two minutes in the bathroom. Until someone knocks.
- …you check whether the baby’s breathing more often than you check your phone.
- …when someone asks “How are you?”, you reply “She slept four hours straight!” – and that’s the headline of the week.
- …you finish off a half-chewed, slightly soggy biscuit and see absolutely nothing odd about it.
- …the remote control turns up in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard. And nobody asks how.
If you nodded at more than half of these, grab your partner and read it together. Laughter is the cheapest therapy for tiredness – and you don’t need an appointment. 😂
…and a few more for the advanced level
- …you tiptoe around your own home after 8 p.m. and know exactly which floorboard creaks.
- …the most romantic evening is the one where you both fall asleep before ten.
- …you sniff a bodysuit to check if it’s clean. A scientifically proven method. Not really.
- …your phone holds 4,000 photos of the baby and three of you. Two of them are blurry.
- …7 a.m. counts as a lie-in and feels like a spa weekend.
- …you can tell from the next room whether that cry means “I’m hungry”, “I’m tired” or “I just want a cuddle”.
- …one gummy smile melts your heart and you forget you haven’t slept properly in months. 💛
But seriously…
If you recognised yourself in most of these lines, congratulations – you’re officially in the club. The club of people who are tired, muddled and slightly dishevelled, yet wake up every day (several times) and give everything for someone very small and very important. That’s not a small thing. It’s huge. And you’re doing better than that tired reflection in the mirror is telling you.
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