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“When are we putting the baby back in your tummy?” If this question has already been asked at your place – or you suspect it’s coming – relax, it’s all fine. It’s one of the most honest reactions a child can have. 😄
For your older child, the arrival of a little brother or sister is one of the biggest changes in their life. And for you – a new round of sleepless nights, on top of a child who also needs you. There’s no way it’ll go completely smoothly – and it doesn’t have to. But a little preparation works wonders.
When should you tell your older child?
There’s no one right moment, but many families share the news once the bump starts to show. For little children, time works differently – “in 5 months” doesn’t mean much. That’s why child development experts suggest linking the baby’s arrival to an event or a season: “The baby will come when it snows.”
How to prepare them before the birth
- Read books about brothers and sisters. Stories give words to feelings your child can’t explain yet.
- Look at their baby photos together. “Look, you were this tiny too!” helps them understand what’s coming.
- Involve them without forcing it. They can put a hand on the bump or choose the colour of a bodysuit. If they’re not interested – that’s fine too.
- Avoid big changes right before the due date. Potty training or moving to a big bed are best done earlier, or left until things settle down. Otherwise your child may feel they’ve been “pushed out” because of the baby.
- Tell them who’ll be with them while you’re in hospital. A clear “Grandma will sleep over with you” gives them security.
Get a small present “from the baby” ready for your older child for their first meeting. And if you can, have the baby in the cot rather than in your arms at that first meeting. That way your arms are free for a big hug. 🎁
And once the baby comes home?
- Keep time just for them. Even 10–15 minutes a day with mum or dad, without the baby, is priceless. Dad is often the star here – the special trip to the park is his territory.
- Give them a real role. Fetching a nappy, choosing the socks, singing to the baby. And praise their gentleness.
- Show them how to touch a baby. You can practise with a doll: “This is gentle, this is too hard.”
- Feeding time can be “our time” too. Prepare a special box of books and toys that only comes out then.
- Let visitors greet them first. Ask grandparents and friends to pay attention to the big brother or sister as well.
Why do they suddenly want a bottle again?
Lots of children temporarily “go backwards” – kids who were recently dry have accidents, start talking like a baby or ask for a bottle. This is called regression and it’s completely normal. Your child is simply checking that they’re still loved. Patience and cuddles help far more than punishment, and this phase usually passes on its own.
What if they say “I don’t want it”?
Don’t tell them off. Their feelings are real and deserve space. Try: “It’s hard that the baby needs so much time, isn’t it? I love you just as much as before.” Being heard is often enough to soften things.
Use phrases like “our baby” and “your little brother”. Little words make your older child part of the team, not a spectator.
In short
The first weeks with two children are one big juggling act – with more tears, more laundry and more love than you can imagine. You don’t need to be perfect. It’s enough that your older child feels their place in your heart hasn’t shrunk. You’ll find your new family’s rhythm – even if right now you can barely finish a cup of coffee. 💛
Sources: American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org) – Preparing your older child for a new baby; Raising Children Network – Preparing your other children for a new baby; ZERO TO THREE – How to help older siblings adjust to the new baby.
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